Wee Fraser: A 5 Year Old Tyrant

Yesterday, my kids were diving for toys at our local pool, when a boy of about five, convinced that our dive stick was his, lept in after my daughter and grabbed her around the neck as she plucked the stick off the pool bottom. Gasping and crying, she surfaced with this child attached to her neck. She shook him off and came to me, while her younger sister got in this boy's face ("why did you hurt my sister!?!?!"). In the meantime, the boy, enraged at the perceived theft, followed Emma, demanding the toy, even after I explained to him that the toy was ours (it even had our name on it). This young child was acting so irrationally and with such anger, I began to wonder if he did not have some sort of behavioral issue. But then I saw how his mother handled the situation.

Did she take him out of the pool and give him a cooling off period, during which she explained why his behavior was inappropriate? No. She made him apologize to Emma, which he did only grudgingly (and subsequently followed us to demand more of our pool toys).

Now, I can accept that kids will do foolish and sometimes reckless things because they're kids. But our job as adults is to teach them what is foolish and reckless and to punish accordingly. Had MY child jumped on top of another child, I can assure you I would have (a) managed to get my ass out of the pool to deal with the problem (unlike this mother) and (b) had my kid sitting in a pool chair for a few minutes, thinking about her actions.

So, what this little boy learned is that it's okay to behave however you want -- as long as you apologize, even insincerely, you're off the hook and there are no additional consequences to your actions.

I see a lot of this half-assed parenting when I'm out and about with my kids. The parents who plead ("please don't do that, sweetie") appeal to the better angels ("oh, that's not nice"), or the deniers ("she's never done that before" -- words spoken to me by a mother whose daughter literally bit Sophie so hard, it left a bloody mark that took two months to fade.)

Sometimes I think I'm not strict enough with my kids, especially when it comes to meal times; sometimes I think I'm too strict. But mostly they're well behaved and respectful and I usually get compliments on their manners, so I'd rather be the latter than allow them to drown themselves -- or others -- with their lack of boundaries.